Till Death Do Us Part
by SeddieBenett
Summary: 'It's all my fault...' Rated T for mentions of character death and suicide. Implied Seddie and a little Creddie. Freddie's POV. Sad one-shot.


Dear friends and family,

It's strange when you know you're about to do something, that afterwards, you will never be able to regret.

I was waiting for someone I knew would never return, even if my life depended on it. Watching a shooting star fly across the darkened night sky, secretly wishing for her return. I couldn't though. I was too late, I didn't say what I really felt, ad ended up paying for it, big time. I was sad, I was bordering on depression. Of course Carly had taken me to get anti-depressants… of course she would always be the best friend and of course I had to say I loved her, while Sam was standing in the room, silently. When I realized what I had done, I immediately apologized. You would think that would have been enough though, hearing those two little words, that usually meant a lot more than what they stood for. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for your loss. You think that I would be satisfied when people spread their condolences. The thing is, I don't want any more fucking condolences. I want her back, I want to rewind the clock and turn back time. It's been far too long without her here. It's all my fault, and everyday since two years ago, I have been filling up to the brim with self-hatred, loathing and immense guilt. Oh the guilt. It's eating me alive, just like it would have done, had I lied and told everyone I was okay.

Okay. I couldn't be okay. The girl, my future wife was gone, and had been for a couple of years now. No, we weren't engaged yet. I had it all planned once I had stopped pining after the brunette girl, that I would discuss the future with Samantha Puckett. Cruel irony is, she's not here to see the future. I will die tonight though. It's been decided by me, for me, about me… that's all there is to it. Carly has no say in this, neither does her older brother Spencer or my over-protective mother, whom I always loved anyway. I can't go on like this, without her. People die from broken hearts all the time. This is just one of those circumstances.

Circumstances, stupid, fucking circumstances. It was all a lie, I keep telling myself. Sam never heard the heartbreaking words spill from my mouth. She never threw herself off the Bushwell Plaza. She never get run over by a bus. Shortly after landing in the middle of the busy road. She never died. She's still here and everything is all good. Everything is fine. This, I know, is really pathetic. I can always picture her laughing.

Laughing and laughing, even bitterly, as I try and drown my sorrows away with intense amounts of alcohol, because that's the only thing that'll ease the pain, sort of. Sometimes not even. The only thing left, is to say Good bye. Good byes are hard to say though. Sam never said good bye. But, being the Gentleman I was raised to be, I cannot go without a proper farewell to my family and closest friends. However, good byes are hard to say. Did I already mention that? I said it twice because it's still difficult to know I had never said good bye to Sam before she ended her life. It's still all my fault.

It's all my fucking fault. It's my fault that she's gone. I only have myself to blame. Not that Carly's not upset by her best friend's death. She has tried her best to move on too, and luckily for her, she seems to be holding stronger than me. Maybe because she wasn't the one who told their best friend that they loved her, maybe because she wasn't the one to open her big fat mouth. Maybe because I know more than she does.

I know that I made the biggest mistake of my life. You don't know what you got till it's gone. It's true. I didn't know I actually had Sam… until she was… gone… and she is gone. Very far gone. Just like I will be very soon after I finish writing this letter.

When you're reading this Carly, Spencer, mom, Gibby and anyone else who happens to be reading this… I hope you don't think any less of me. I'm sorry, but I must do what my heart is guiding me to do. Good bye Carly, you'll always be my best friend and I'll always love you. Good bye Spencer. You were always like a brother to me. Mother, I'm sorry I couldn't be a better son. Good bye Gibby, thanks for being a great friend and I know Carly will be happy when you ask her a certain question.

I wish you all a pleasant and fulfilling life. I hope you understand and forgive what I'm about to do.

Good bye, farewell… forever…

Fredward Benson


End file.
